28 May Parenting the 360 Degree Feedback Way
As the vacation of kids going on there is extra time demand of parenting. Right now they are almost always around us and having two (7 & 4) becomes handful at times.
The usual arguments/teasing turns into screaming and crying at times. This all just in the moment, once things are settled down they both are like nothing has happened. Few minutes ago they were on each other’s throat, if given a chance they could have killed each other 🙂
I feel, these kids fights is not something I should be ashamed of or feel guilty about as a parent. As this is normal and natural as part of their growth. They are learning to share and adjust. Not everything is easy to get in life and sometimes you’ve to challenge others to get it or show kindness and give.
You are what you learn in your family is something I believe strongly. Your belief, habits, values, strength and weakness all comes out of how you have been nurtured. The nature(genes) vs nurture(environment) argument is never ending but I believe both have significant influence.
So the kids don’t take the small fights for a ball or a pen or a piece of paper seriously, I have recently implemented a routine with the little once (Including me). It’s a very simple routine we started going through before we go to bed.
The routine and mostly/loosely followed rules:
Say Good: Choose one person and say what good thing they’ve done to you. Normally I tell my kids to choose each other and say what they’ve noticed. What was something done which felt good, despite all the shouting and challenges in the day?
Say Positive: It has to be all positive. Initially when they started, one of them would go: “Om did help me pack up but he didn’t give me the pen” or “Eva gave me only one piece of chocolate.” What they were initially doing was that they were also including the small grudges or complains with the positivity. They were displaying the classical human conditioning of focusing on negative more than positive. So I’ve to force them to rephrase the sentence in positivity.
Say Value: What value was displayed? From last few months almost all conversations are value driven with the kids. They have been taught few core values – Responsible, Respectful, Caring, Kind/Polite, Participating (this one is from school), Helpful. Once they are done with saying the good deed of other, they’ve to talk about what value was displayed. My four year old is still not 100% sure about which values but she attempts and we all help her clarify. Research has found again and again value driven parenting produces Originals. Also my entire psychological practice is based on value driven life, so it feels good to me to get them started at early age.
Say Loud: I encourage them at the end, if they’ve noticed something they’ve done or thought well for others. This gives them chance to talk about their good behaviour and good thought for the day. This is the chance for them to brag about doing good and obviously bragging of giving has its own benefits. Read benefits of giving A foolproof way to increase happiness.
The benefits (I think and seen some already):
- There are no grudges at the end of the day, they get to speak about the good thing and notice it. The day ends on more joyful note.
- As this practice has become regular and I prompt during the day. They are noticing more mindfully the good other one is doing.
- Gratitude that they have someone to play with (each other and family). They have more fun when they are together rather than alone.
- Values are instilled, which they can live in every/any moment. Building their character, in the moment they can choose to be Responsible, Respectful, Caring, Kind/Polite, Participating, Helpful.
- We are not good at giving positive feedback. When I work with managers I find it’s always hard for them to speak good about their employees or peers. There is always complaining. By this practice the kids are learning to say positive things.
The 360 degree feedback
360 Degree Feedback is a system employed by human resources or industrial psychology, 360-degree feedback, also known as multi-ratter feedback, multi-source feedback, or multi source assessment, is a process utilized by organizations to solicit information from a variety of workplace sources on an employee’s work-related behaviour and/or performance.
The eventual goal of the feedback is to create a plan for employee well-being. With what I’m doing I’m asking them to provide feedback to parents and siblings.
It takes around 5-10 minutes before bed but I feel it is making some positive impact on the family and kids well-being.
What practices you follow for your kids (and your) well-being? As unfortunately kids do not come with a manual.
Do you think anything can be tweaked here?
Would love your opinions………