• I’m listening to the voices in my head.
• Somebody has to be.
• I’m studying to be a mime.

Smile!

• Why?
• I can’t. Tragic Botox incident. 
• I will when you go away.

Why are you always so serious?

• I’m only serious on the outside. I’m partying on the inside. 
• Always? Have you been stalking me?
• Because the universe is expanding, and if it’s expanding, someday it will break apart and that would be the end of everything! 

Are you mad?

• No, just eccentric.
• Why, what have you done?
• Not yet.

Do you hate people?

• Not all people.
• Only people who ask me that question.
• No, they’re delicious with a nice Chianti. 

Are you a snob?

• No, I’m a slob. That must have been a typo.
• Of course not. I’m here, aren’t I?
• No, I pride myself on my low standards.

You look bored.

• Don’t be so hard on yourself.
• This is my rapt face.
• Only when you talk.

You don’t know how to have fun.

• Sure I do. Tell me when it starts.
• I didn’t know “fun” was a synonym for “loud.”
• You’re right, I’m outta here.

Source: Psychology Today